scifirenegade | Fanfic: Side Effects

Title: Side Effects
Author: scifirenegade
Rating: General
Pairing(s) / Character(s): Barbara Wright/Ian Chesterton, Susan Foreman
Warnings: mentions of near major character death
Spoilers: Planet of Giants first aired 49 years ago.
Summary: In which Ian needs to talk to Barbara about their most recent adventure.

Ian left the Doctor in the console room and slowly made his way to the lounge area, where he collapsed onto the sofa. He loosened his tie, rested his chin on his hands, and glanced around him with disinterest.

The lounge area was an all too familiar room. It shared the same desaturated, light green colour as all the other rooms of the ship he had explored. That sofa and a small, antiquated table were the only pieces of furniture in the quite cramped room.

Finally, the TARDIS landed in 1963, but all four of them were shrunk to the size of one inch. Barbara and he were so close to returning home. And yet, so far.

He couldn't stop thinking about the last situation they had found themselves in. How Barbara had been poisoned and hid her condition from him — from them. If they didn't make it to the TARDIS on time, she could have-

Ian didn't dare finish the thought.

He would've failed her; it would've been his fault. Why didn't he notice she was unwell sooner? Sure, she was safe now, but he couldn't help it.

Every time Barbara was in danger, he felt like he couldn't function properly. Ian questioned why that was the case. It was a bit silly; she's an adult, after all. She can make her own choices, even if he doesn't necessarily agree with them. Even if the choice would save humanity from utter destruction, but could get her killed. Because that was Barbara — always looking out for others.

It took a while for him to notice he was tapping his face, and shoved his hands into his pockets. It was a habit he was trying to quit, the tapping.

Suddenly, Ian heard the door of the girls' bedroom slide open. He jolted up from the sofa and straightened his rumpled clothes. When he saw it was Susan walking past him, he couldn't help but sigh in relief. Ian was still unsure when — or if — he should talk to Barbara about the situation.

Susan noticed him, concerned, "Is everything alright?"

"Uh, yes, I'm fine." he scratched the back of his neck. "Why? What's the matter?"

She seemed to be amused by his sudden awkwardness, "No, it's nothing. I'll see if Grandfather needs anything." She continued to walk towards the double-sided doors, but not before she beamed at him, "You could go and cheer Barbara up, you know! I don't think the book I gave her is helping much."

Ian watched Susan disappear through the doors, knitting his eyebrows; her suggestion caught him off guard. He scratched his neck again, slipped his hands back into his pockets and walked over to the girls' room.

He stopped. The door was still open. After all, he didn't hear Susan slide it shut. When he peeked inside, he could see Barbara lying down on her bed, her eyes half-closed, her breathing slow and steady. The book she had been trying to read was lying neglected on the other bed.

He inhaled sharply. Ian had to be brave on the one thing he, admittedly, wasn't very good at — talking about his feelings.

"Knock knock, guess who's there?", he peered through the entrance again, waving his hand gently, "Susan thought you needed some cheering up. How are you feeling now?"

Barbara sat up, turning to him, and offered a weak smile, "Better. Just more tired than anything, really."

Ian returned the smile and shifted a bit, "May I come in? If there isn't any trouble, of course." He hoped she wouldn't mind his lopsided tie, but then he remembered she had seen him looking a lot worse.

She nodded, and he shambled into the room, picking up the book as he sat on the other bed, "Too tired to read —" he checked the cover, "Daily Life in the Inca Empire?"

"Susan got it for me," a pause, "but I noticed it was a bit after our time."

Ian opened the book on its first pages; its date was 1996, "A bit, you say?" they both chuckled.

When their laughter faded, and all Ian could hear was the hum of the TARDIS — was it quieter here than in his room? — he saw an opportunity to speak of what was troubling him. The issue was that the words got stuck in his throat. For heaven's sake, he couldn't even stop fumbling with the book and avoiding looking her in the eye.

"You know we had to stop that insecticide," Barbara, always so perceptive, broke the silence; her tone was calm but assertive.

He managed to end his fidgeting, but still didn't face her. All he wanted was for his heart to stop pounding, "It might've been too late to save you."

"I'm alive, aren't I? It all worked out," she lifted her head, "Besides, stopping the insecticide was the priority."

"Yes, of course," he sighed as he bent forward, resting his elbows on his knees. He still didn't meet her gaze. "But when you fainted, I thought—"

Why couldn't he say it? Ian thought of himself as brave, he had to, considering the circumstances. He fought during the war. He fought Daleks and Aztec warriors. He helped save entire civilisations. By all accounts, he should be able to say it. It was nothing compared to what he had done before. Just say it — I was scared for you. I didn't want to fail you. I don't know what I would do without you. Even though you may be right, how dare you. Do you think your life is insignificant?

Barbara always made that seem so easy.

"You were afraid, weren't you?" Barbara still sounded calm, Ian was a bit envious. "You aren't very subtle sometimes," she raised her eyebrows.

Ian tittered, "Maybe..." his voice went down a few notes. His mouth was clenched shut as he gathered his thoughts.

"Ian..." she was urging him to continue.

"Well, it's... there are a lot of people who think you to be very valuable."

"I'll try to be more careful next time."

"I'll just have to take that, eh? It's not like I can stop you," Ian smiled. "But you know you can rely on me."

"I know. And you can rely on me as well," Barbara tapped his knee; he didn't understand what she meant. "You won't get rid of me that easily," she chuckled.

"Of course. And I'm grateful for that, my lady," Ian stood and offered a bow, trying to bring some light-heartedness to the situation. He even raised one of his eyebrows. He caught Barbara rolling her eyes; it worked.

They decided that she needed some more time to rest, but he couldn't walk out of the room without saying or doing anything.

It was supposed to be a hug, like the many others they shared before.

He didn't know how he managed to kiss her forehead.

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